Yesterday my poem Boredom? was Freshly Pressed, and since then my iPod Touch has been going *bing* or *pling* every few minutes, notifying me of likes, comments and follows. The sound makes me think of Super Mario jumping to catch money, but of course what I gather is far more precious than money. Writing something and finding that people like it is a dream come true, although the introverted and shy side of me blushes like mad, and feels like hiding her head under a pillow, when reading the comments.
I recently read this line about being Freshly Pressed on the blog of katekatherina: “For an introvert, it’s like winning a year’s supply of networking” and it resonated with me. I am an introvert and not only do I feel nervous around new people, I also tend to think what I do is never good enough (read Why I am scared of writing). I look at what I have written, thinking that it is not bad, but then I imagine the piece as seen through the eyes of others, and it immediately seems much less brilliant. Pressing the “Publish” button tends to be an agonising moment for me, as what I have written leaves the safe world of my computer screen and enters the unknown world of other people. I rarely have the courage to actually promote any of my posts. I have tweeted a couple of the A Bookworm’s Month Ahead posts, since they mainly provide some useful information, and posted some of my Puppy posts on Facebook, thinking my friends might enjoy reading about my dog. But except trying to appropriately tag my posts, I have not made any real effort to get more readers. Not because I do not want people to read my blog, but because I’m used to hiding my inner writer.
What I have never dared do before is post anything on my blog that could be defined as literature. Some of my posts are a bit more creative, but posting poetry or short stories feels like crossing a line and exposing the part of me that I cannot bear to fail at. The writer in me is the true me, it is the gently glowing core that is irrevocably bound to the person I wish to be. All my most precious dreams have to do with writing, and if I fail at that, what do I have left?
So having my post Freshly Pressed brings joy, but also a sense of relief at not having failed. It also brings some stress as I try to keep up with all the attention. The positive feedback brought me into a generous mood and I decided to reply to all the comments. That took a couple of hours. Then I wanted to visit all the blogs of people who followed my blog or liked my post. I have not yet finished doing that. At some point a feeling of guilt hit me. Has fame gotten to me? I always used to neglect those fellow bloggers who kept liking my posts and commenting on them. Somehow I never seemed to have time (see post) to reply or comment on their blogs. Now that I have a mass of comments I suddenly take the time to respond. What about my original faithful followers, who discovered me without the help of Freshly Pressed. I’m particularly thinking of melanielynngriffin and Letizia who most frequently commented on my relatively unknown blog. Thank you for liking my blog! And of course thank you to everybody who liked my post in the last few days!
Ok, now I should go and spend some time with my boyfriend and dog, who have been feeling a little jealous of all the attention I’m giving my computer today.